By Deirdre Hammaker,
Owner, StepUp2Start.com and Special Needs Strategic Consultant at nxplace Properties
A Facebook post by Ben Canham recently caught my attention. As a young adult with autism, he shared his story of unexpectedly losing his parents at 19 years old. And like my son, also named Ben and 19 years old, it struck a deep chord. I reached out to Ben to find out more. I couldn’t help but wonder how he navigated finding housing, food, transportation, medical care, and the myriad of other needs that comprise our lives.
How did he get critical resources and what was it like to have to suddenly navigate your own life? Suffice it to say there are angels out there and, in this case, they were unexpectedly found in social media.
As a youth, Ben had a good relationship with his dad who passed away in 2013 from lung cancer. However, it was his mom that he was closest and who managed the day-to-day and education towards his independence. Then in 2016, at age 19 years old, Ben lost his mom to heart attack. Ben recalled that the days were hard, and he still hurts from the loss and loneliness that followed which was compounded by half-siblings disowning him not only from any inheritance, but also from his mother’s funeral. As a parent, this is simply heartbreaking.
Leaving the house became a last resort.
In the brief time left after his mom took ill, she was able to make arrangements to move Ben to an apartment where he was thrust into independent living. Rent was paid with Social Security that also covered food, but left little else. In the beginning, Ben was navigating his finances blindly. He didn’t know how to budget and would occasionally run out of money and out of food. In the six years since her passing, Ben is better with his finances and has learned how to prioritize. To get food and necessities, Ben would call for a taxi and eventually he befriended one of the taxi drivers who would help him shop. In England healthcare was free, so Ben was surviving, just not thriving. Then one day, his life took a turn for the worst. While taking a walk, Ben was assaulted by bullies who pulled a knife on him. And as if all this weren’t enough, along came Covid. Leaving the house became a last resort. He was afraid, alone, and sometimes hungry.
The miracle of social media.
Yet it was during the pandemic, Ben turned to social media and found a Twitter friend, Shelagh (pronounced Sheila) who is a retired social worker. As the months passed into years, they became good friends and in 2020 she offered to help him relocate from England to Scotland. For Ben, this was a Godsend. England was no longer home for him barren of friends, family, and filled with fear. A fresh start was the perfect next step, so Shelagh made her way to England and brought Ben north for a new life.
Today Ben resides in Perth and Kinross, Scotland. He sees Shelagh regularly and has enjoyable hobbies like music, documentaries, and photography. My favorite though is WWE (yes… World Wrestling) which is a passion for him and seems so fitting for a young man who struggled his way to a better life. Currently Ben is writing a book about his experiences and hopes to be a speaker at universities. You can friend Ben on Facebook (https://www.facebook.com/ben.canham.50). He would love to share his knowledge and understanding. He says helping others helps him to keep going.
I cannot help but wonder where would Ben be today if not for social media?
Most likely he would still reside in England, be fearful of community, and live without strong interpersonal supports. And while setting up a Twitter, Facebook, or other social media account may not seem to be pinnacle for your child’s prosperity, can you be sure? Having virtual friends is important especially during transition. Social media allows people to interact without all the sensory overload and stress of an in-person chaotic environment. It opens the door for people like Ben to connect on common interests, explore friendships, show up authentically, find employment, and even (in this case) secure housing! And housing is a top tier issue for life planning and the more outreach, the better you and your child’s chances of finding an optimal residential fit.
Social media…opens the door for people like Ben to connect on common interests, explore friendships, show up authentically, find employment, and even (in this case) secure housing!
Social media does come with pitfalls and requires guidance on etiquette and safety. But despite the negatives, it has become a hub of a thriving disability community offering connection in a uniquely suited way. It has many meaningful forums and does, in the end, fill the socialization gap autistic adults can experience and that makes it hard to overlook as a must have for future planning.
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About nxplace Properties®: Founded in 2018, nxplace Properties designs, builds, and provides uniquely tailored adaptive custom residential spaces and adult day services facilities to help those with diverse needs live more accessible, safer, more fulfilled lives. An elite full-service contractor, the company creates flexible campus concepts that accommodate variable demographics while maintaining a welcoming residential environment that avoids traditional institutional design. For more information, please visit nxplaceproperties.com or email: [email protected].